Time moved on
by angiehodgins
Summary: Inara's secret has been bugging me, so here is my answer to it. Kind of sad really, but there you have it.


Time Moved On

Time moved on. It had a way of doing that. One day would turn into the next without fail every time.

She had welcomed it once, the passing of one day to another. A chance for a new start or to simply make up for wrongs.

But now she only wanted it all to stop. No more time. No more days. Only now.

Watching the crew, her friends, her family, playing with no care or fear, this was how she wanted it to be always.

Though always is an awfully long time.

Lifting a hand to brush a stray hair from her face she sighed at her quaking fingers.

At the sound of footfalls approaching, she quickly brushed the hair away before clenching her hand into a fist and bringing it down to her side. She didn't turn as the person stopped next to her, casually leaning on the metal railing. She knew who it was.

"Enjoying the view?" he finally asked, his eyes too locked on the scene below.

"Immensely," she answered simply.

Turning toward her on a breath he looked to her quietly a moment before he spoke, "We'll be coming up on a respectable planet in a couple days' time," he said, "That is, if you'll be wanting to get off…"

His uncertainty nearly broke her resolve to not smile at him. He sounded like a school boy asking his first date to the school dance. "Why ever would I do that?" she countered. No use making this easy for him.

"Well, I just thought…" fading he looked at a complete loss.

She couldn't help it, she smiled, "Don't go to the trouble of respectable planets for me," she said easily. With nothing more she wanted to say, yet a life time's worth she needed to, she turned on heel and made her way away from his as quickly as she could without running.

Turning Malcom Reynolds watched as she fled from him. He was becoming accustomed to the view of her retreating back.

….

In the quiet of her shuttle she paced some before slouching down on her couch. She knew she had to tell them all, Mal the most. She just didn't know how. It wasn't as though one could open a book on this sort of thing on the cortex. It was something she had to do on her own, in her own words and way. But why did it feel like she was composing a symphony?

She had told everyone at the training house before she had left, though there had been no feeling in it then. Now, with these people… Telling them, it would be like ripping her still beating heart from her chest. It was a pain she didn't want to endure. As her silent tears began to fall a knock sounded at her door. Wiping at her tears she stood and crossed the room facing away from the door, "Ching Jin," she called.

"Do you have a minute Inara?" called out a tentative female voice.

"For you, Mei-Mei, always," she responded instantly as she turned, "Is there something wrong, Kaylee?"

Looking bashful Kaylee held out a hair brush, "Could you comb through my hair while we talk?" she asked lightly.

"Of course," Inara agreed as she took the brush. Sitting on her couch she smiled as Kaylee dropped down on the floor in front of her, "So, what's on your mind?" she asked as she gathered up the long brown hair.

"A bit of everything I guess," sighed Kaylee, "The Cap'n had River plot a course right close to some core planets… Are you thinking on leaving us again 'Nara?"

"Not of my own power," she murmured, though aloud was a different story, "I wouldn't leave you again for all the wealth in the 'verse." She assured

"Good," Kaylee sighed, "Jayne said you were going to be out of here faster than last time if you had your say."

"And we both know Jayne will never be credited for using his brain," she chuckled. It felt good to be with Kaylee, no one could make her smile like the young mechanic.

As they both grew silent Kaylee spotted something shiny on the table in front of her, "What's this 'Nara?" she questioned.

Looking over Inara set the brush aside, "Oh, that's a bracelet I got a very long time ago," she explained, "Would you like to ware it?"

At Kaylee's nod Inara went about grasping the two clasps on either side of the younger woman's wrist. Though as her fingers struggled to keep hold she could only watch with fearful eyes as her hands began to shake. As the bracelet fell from Inara's grasp Kaylee looked to her full of worry, "Is something wrong? Should I go get Simon?"

"There's nothing he can do," declined Inara with a shake of her head, "Mei-Mei, I should have told you this before…"

Turning Kaylee faced Inara fully, "Told me what?"

Taking a deep breath Inara folded her hands in her lap, "There is no easy way to say this," she began.

"Just saying it would be fine," pointed out Kaylee.

"I'm sick," said Inara on a whoosh of air.

At this Kaylee frowned, "Sick? I'm sure Simon has something that will fix you up good as new."

Shaking her head Inara took Kaylee's hands in her own, "Mei-Mei, What I have… it can't be fixed with medicine," she tried to explain.

"What do you mean can't be fixed?" questioned Kaylee, clearly confused, "Simon can fix anyone who's sick."

"Not me," breathed Inara, "I've known sense before I came to Serenity. I only thought… That maybe there would be a little more time. But I was wrong."

There were tears in Kaylee's eyes now as she clung to Inara's hands, "No," she breathed, "Tell me it ain't true."

As her own tears began to fall Inara slid from the couch, pulling Kaylee into her arms she began to gently rock her, "I know Mei-Mei, I know," she whispered.

….

Passing by Inara's shuttle Simon paused. Had he heard muffled crying? Straining to her the sound again he sighed when it didn't come. Surely he had been imagining it.

….

She'd told everyone, making each promise to keep it quiet until the whole crew knew. Now she only had to tell Mal and it had only taken her a week to get to it. She found herself pacing outside his bunk or the bridge, anywhere he was really and yet she still hadn't told him. Leaning against a wall she tried to catch her breath, she'd been becoming very weak of late and she knew her time was running short.

Giving up for the moment she turned and headed back for her shuttle slowly. Though as she moved she could sense him, smell him behind her. "I need to talk to you," she said without turning around.

Frowning Mal began to follow Inara, "What's this about? I have a load…" he began.

"This will only take a moment," insisted Inara.

Mal's frown deepened, he could swear Inara's voice was lowering with each word, "I suppose I can spare a minute then," he conceded.

As her shuttle came into her view Inara noticed a distinct change in her vision, it began to blur and tunnel. Her legs felt as though she was pulling some creates from the hold behind her. "Mal… I…" fading off she reached out as though they had reached her shuttle door, when it was still a good five feet away.

As Inara began to fall to the floor Mal reached out, easily cradling her body against his, "Inara," he called to her, "Inara, what's happening?"

Looking up into his face Inara couldn't stop herself from crying, "I'm dying Mal," she said simply. Anything less than blunt just wouldn't do for the captain of Serenity.

"Dying?" repeated Mal as he carefully checked her body for wounds, "Inara, you're not hurt."

"Not where you can see it…" breathed Inara.

"I need some help out here!" shouted Mal as he franticly looked over his shoulder for any sign of the Calvary.

Reaching out Inara took hold of the front of Mal's shirt weakly, "No," she insisted, "Take me to my bed please."

Looking down to her Mal swallowed before he stood and lifted her into his arms. It was no simple task but he managed to get the shuttle door open and laid Inara out on her bed before anyone showed, "Cap'n?" questioned Kaylee.

"Go get Simon," instructed Mal simply without looking up.

Reaching out Inara barely managed to touch Mal's finger tips as he paced away from her, "Mal," she breathed, "Please."

Turning Mal returned to the bed side and took Inara's hand into his own, "This can't be how it ends," he insisted, "There has to be something."

"No," insisted Inara, "Mal, you can't save everyone."

Dropping to his knees Mal leaned closer, "But I should be able to save you," he countered, "Ain't no life in this 'verse worth more than yours."

"That's why I love you," breathed Inara, "I have for so long…"

As her eyes began to drift closed Mal shook her hand, "No, Inara, you open your eyes and you look at me," he ordered, though her eyes remain closed, "Gorramit, woman, open your eyes… I love you!"

As quickly as he could manage, Simon ran head long into the shuttle, though one look at the scene in front of him slowed his pace. Mal was on his knees clearly crying, Inara's hand hanging limply in his grasp. Easing forward he gently placed two fingers to Inara's neck, just under her jaw. The stillness he found there had him fighting back his own tears. "There's nothing I can do," he said softly, "She's gone."

As Kaylee burst into tears Zoe and Jayne entered the shuttle. Neither said a word as they took everything in. Finally Zoe moved next to Mal, easing herself to her knees she wrapped her arms around her oldest friend. She knew that what he was feeling now was what she had felt only months earlier with the loss of Wash. There was really nothing anyone could do.

Time moved on.

FIN

A/N: I've never killed a Firefly/Serenity character before so this was new for me. I've had Inara's secret in my head for a while and finally had to do something about it. Hope you enjoyed the read any who. Feedback keeps us fanfiction writers doing what we do best.


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